i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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