so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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