My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
