I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
