She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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