So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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