It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
