my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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