The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
