i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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