ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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