yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
