would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
