she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
