You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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