We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
