I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
