on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
