All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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