I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I supernannyed him into submission
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
