we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
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I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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