Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
