You're completely useless in the revolution.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
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She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize