I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
this boner is exhausting
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
