On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My cat gives me a boner
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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