u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
