Yo dont text me then not text me
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We need to get me chipped asap
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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