I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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