Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
