while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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