He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
