Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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