grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
