May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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