Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
