The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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