his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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