Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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