I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
