Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
time to smoke my breakfast
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
