One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
