I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
