if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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