If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
