Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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