k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
