is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
