Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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