Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
