Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
