I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
pray to the hookup gods
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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