we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
