So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
