Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
