So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
