its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
