the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize