I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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