wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
