I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize