3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
