I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
