just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's blow job season.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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