But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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