are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
