69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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